[Recording Start]
Scott Douglas Jacobsen: Addendum to yesterday, finishing the Harvard story. Go ahead.
Rick Rosner: Okay so we’ve established that I in my 20s and into my early 30s even will go on Hinky for modeling assignment/auditions just for the possibility that they’ll be weird and then I get out of there before any actual sex happens because that would be bad. So, I’m at Pierce College, I rip off a tear strip from this flyer saying that they’re looking for nude models and so I call the number and this guy says he’s got an assignment work on a project called Erections for Penthouse Magazine. This is automatically super duper hinky just and very unlikely to be true because Penthouse Magazine would never do any project called Erections which are related to penises and Penthouse Magazine isn’t penis-centric but I’m still going to go check it out because it might be weird.
My wife was on a business trip out of town. I go to this house in Northridge, this is late 1994 and there was an earthquake at the beginning of 1994 I believe and the house still had earthquake damage that hadn’t been repaired. It had stuccoed arches across the front and the arches were cracked and you could see the chicken wire that held the stucco in place before it cracked off, the chicken wire was visible. There was a lot of stuff at that point that wasn’t fixed but it just added to the hinkiness of it. I still remember the number I called. I called 818-381-4545.
The guy invites me in. I go into this kind of den living room, a big open room, sunny probably 17 feet by 25 feet; a pretty good sized room. The guy sits himself at a desk. There’s a name plate on the desk it says Douglas W. Watt and on the couch across from the desk I’m standing there, I’m not sitting any place. There’s a couch and on the couch is a young probably Korean woman who is wearing a man’s shirt that’s long enough to cover her and pantyhose and pearls; a long string of pearls. And the guy starts telling me about the project and this relates to what we’ve been talking about because while he’s telling me a bunch of stuff he says that he’s a genius and the girl on the couch, Lena is a super duper genius. She’s one of the world’s brightest people; highest IQ people and I’m confused because I’m coming to realize that everything out of this guy’s mouth is just a lie and that this IQ thing is just one more lie but it’s weird because I have one of the world’s highest IQs and he’s lying to me and saying that he has one of the world’s highest IQs and it’s like “Is this somehow relevant to me? Is it at all tailored to him knowing anything about me or is it just bullshit?”And the whole thing is weird. You don’t usually walk into a place and there’s a 19 year old Korean girl on a couch wearing just a man’s shirt and pantyhose.
He offers me orange juice and she goes and gets orange juice and brings me orange juice. I drink the orange juice. He’s got a camera on a tripod set up on the end of the couch away from his desk and at some point he goes, “Well, let’s see what you look like naked.” I’m like “Okay” So he’s at the camera and he takes some shot. Of everything that happened up till now this is like the least weird part, this is what the deal is and then he says, “Can you get hard?” And I’m like, “I guess. Do you have any pornography?” And he says no. I shouldn’t tell you all this, it’s just horrible but he goes “No, I don’t have pornography but I have Lena.” And I’m like “What?” I don’t know what the further dialogue was but I proceed to get hard-ish and she gets next to me and I assume there was still talking and discussion and she’s going to put me in her mouth like “No, no, no, we’re not doing that.” And she unbuttons the shirt and she’s wearing a bra but she hoists her boobs out of the bra I believe. She had to be worried and so her boobs are out and my dick is out and we’re negotiating.
“Can she wrap the pearls around your dick?” “Okay, fine” We negotiate where she can pretend to be blowing me where there’s no contact where her mouth is like hovering around the end of my dick and we get to that point. She’s on her knees, I’m standing and I look over at the guy and he’s wearing dolphin shorts which are shorts that were popular in the ‘70s which are kind of satiny and one of his nuts is sticking out of the bottom of the shorts. That’s the last straw, this has gotten way too weird and I got to get out of there. So I’m like “All right that’s it, I got to go.” They’re like, “Really? Do you have to go?” Lena’s like “Really? Don’t you want to stay?” She’s being ketish, she can barely speak English. I get dressed and I’m leaving and as I’m leaving we’re in another room; the room that has the front door. There’s another couch, she’s curled up coquettishly. Somehow she’s gotten curled up on this other couch and she’s saying “Really? Do you really have to go?” something like that in bad English and I get out of there.
Then like two days later I’m picking my wife up at the airport and you should know that I can’t lie to my wife for the most part. Anytime I try to, she sees right through it. Anyway, I pick her up at the airport and down Sepulveda from LAX is a place called Dinah’s Chicken Kitchen that serves apple pancakes. We’re sitting there waiting for the apple pancake. They used to be bigger; they used to be like 12 inches 14 inches across and fall off the plate. Now they’ve gotten smaller but anyway we’re waiting and they take a long time to cook. In the meantime, I picked up a copy of USA Today that somebody had left at one of the booths because the pancakes take a long time and we’re looking at USA Today and a giant sex study had just come out and was getting headlines. And my wife’s reading this article and says, “Huh it says here that 25% of men in married relation is cheap.” Then she looks over at me and I’ve gotten all sweaty and then she’s like, “What? What happened?” And I’m like, “Well, I went on an art modeling audition and it got really weird.”
I didn’t tell her that I knew it was weird going in, I didn’t tell her what happened, I just said there was a girl there and I got out of there. She was mad. So anyway, that’s the story. I’ve since figured out that Lena, not her name I’m sure, was probably just a prostitute hired to have sex with whatever joker showed up for this audition because that was the guy’s, the guy not named Douglas W. Watt, that was his fetish though I don’t know what would have happened had actual sex happened. Well I’m sure he probably would have whipped out his thing and just jacked himself off, I don’t know. Anyway, that’s the story. I was kind of bad 27 years ago.
[Recording End]
Authors
Rick Rosner
American Television Writer
Scott Douglas Jacobsen
Founder, In-Sight Publishing
In-Sight Publishing
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In-Sight Publishing by Scott Douglas Jacobsen is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. Based on a work at http://www.rickrosner.org.
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Rick Rosner 