Rick Rosner, American Comedy Writer, www.rickrosner.org

Scott Douglas Jacobsen, Independent Journalist, www.in-sightpublishing.com

Scott Douglas Jacobsen: So, what is your history of counting exercises and counting masturbations? I noticed this whole phenomenon in your other media presentations.

Rick Rosner: Counting, I heard the second part, counting masturbations and counting what else?

Jacobsen: Exercises.

Rosner: All right, exercise. When I was a kid in the late 70s, I read about a boy named Naim Suleymanov. He was either Kazakh or from one of the other Stans. He lived in one of those countries and may have had more than one name, but you can Google him under that name. The Russians or Soviets came in, took over his country, and made everyone change their names to less consonant-heavy versions, essentially anglicizing or simplifying them.

This boy was known as the world’s most muscular young man. I read that he worked out seven times a day, doing seven little workouts each day. He was solid. I could try multiple workouts a day. I started doing that because I lived in a small town with many gyms. It was easy to go from gym to gym to gym.

I like numbers and statistics, and the numbers kept me going. The last day I missed a workout was almost 33 and a half years ago. Since then, I’ve averaged 4.741 workouts a day. These workouts are small, with the shortest I allow being six sets. I try to do 12 sets per workout at most, except in exceptional circumstances. I aim to complete around 100 sets a day. I have all these numbers, and I enjoy generating them. It’s in tune with my OCD, and it all works together.

Only years later, about 30 years after I first heard of Naim Suleymanov., I found out that one of the reasons he was so solid was his height, about four feet ten or eleven. When you’re that short, you have incredible leverage. You have an advantage if you’re trying to curl something, and your forearms are only nine inches long but as thick as or thicker than mine.

Having stumpy limbs is very helpful for powerlifting or deadlifting, he can also curve his spinal column enough that when he deadlifts, his ribcage drops onto his pelvis, meaning he only lifts the bar about two inches off the ground. This gives him incredible leverage, allowing him to lift a significant amount.

So, not the seven workouts a day made him one of the world’s most muscular guys, his physical configuration had a lot to do with it.

Only after I’d been working out many times a day for decades did I discover this. It wouldn’t have changed my mind even if I’d known earlier because I enjoy the numbers. Moving on to masturbations, I started my masturbation career early. This can sometimes happen to intelligent kids; it happened in my case. I was already reading a lot of adult material. I had been reading since I was young, including Esquire Magazine, before I was four. I found and liked salacious material early on.

If anyone is qualified to have an informed opinion on the effects of masturbations and sex in society, I certainly don’t have the only perspective, but I’ve thought about it a lot. There you go. One addendum is that we did not evolve to have a high number of orgasms in a lifetime. The average number of orgasms for a human male throughout history is much lower.

There have been some lucky individuals, like a Sultan with dozens of wives, who might have had a ton of orgasms. Or maybe not; they often got fat and lost interest. Having many wives might have been a power move, like Jay Leno having 200 cars. The average male throughout history probably averages less than a tenth of the orgasms I’ve had, partly because they died sooner or didn’t have the means to compile such a history. You could argue that your horniness center takes a beating—the end.

License & Copyright

In-Sight Publishing by Scott Douglas Jacobsen is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. ©Scott Douglas Jacobsen and In-Sight Publishing 2012-Present. Unauthorized use or duplication of material without express permission from Scott Douglas Jacobsen strictly prohibited, excerpts and links must use full credit to Scott Douglas Jacobsen and In-Sight Publishing with direction to the original content.

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